The Love of my life ♥

. I hated leaving him today.
[does this make me sound like a crazy cat lady?!]



At least he has over 40 other cats to play with the next 9 days
...tho i've never had him around another cat. I do hope things go well



It broke my heart to see him looking at us like we were abandoning him as we left..
we DID rescue this amazing guy I hope he wasn't worried we were never coming back!



handsome; handsome guy ♥

get OVER it hunnie; lifes' a two way street -- if u wanna continue being a man of mine...

Good Morning

I can't stand grumpy people! I don't get how J has turned into such a self absorbed person.He woke me up 3x's from a dead sleep; to ask 1. where the cat was..2. that the fan was blowing the wrong way...3. some mumbling about dolphins. The last time he woke me up was 5am...So i got up at 5:30 after he said 'wtf is going on..u going back to sleep or what?!..' and asked him at 6:50 if he wanted me to bring coffee back for him; in which i get a lecture of how rude I AM & how I don't let him sleep...
so i said you're gunna regret this & left!
I have been turning the tables -- when i ask him questions about flying last nite..all i got was a 'YES Cyndiiiiiiii...' the way a child would after you've scolded them! So if i'm not going to get any respect from HIm. I decided to turn the tables and do it to him...when he asked if i was coming to bed soon i said "I GUESS JESPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"... & so on. See how he likes to be talked down to like a child! ughh i've been praying lately as to whether i should stay in this - i feel like clearly - i'm getting my answers...only my eyes are wide open;more so than ever before!
I've exhausted my heart♥, time, energy..not to mention my 15,000$ bank acct! to keep the repo man away from HIS car! I'm emotionally exhausted & want off this rollar coaster! A friend made it clear to me....looked me in the eyes and said "what? do u enjoy being hurt?'... NO I don't ! frankly; i've had enough..how dumb am i to be emotionally pounded on [as well as ..]

I am scared to show anxiety about flying ; but am told how hammered he wants to get in the airport - & i know when that happens how flirty he gets; I'm nervous to be on an airplane with a man; I can't say I trust anymore! I keep just trying to drink water & count to 4 or 7...like my lovely g'ma told me

We take the cat to his boarding place tonite!I am going to miss my nite cuddles with that lil guy - does this make me a crazy cat lady!? haha Then at 4 AM i will drive to LAX; leave my car & board the plane at 7:30AM!! ahhhhh!

Cross your fingers for me & if you pray...send a little one up for me!
For I am soo nervous!

allergies = worst thing everrrrr!!!

Today was nice! We had a spa date day! i got my nails and feet done; and soo did the beef; man these woman LOVED him! He had two girls working on him at once haha - i simply said...don't get used to it = ]!

I've been feeling like shit with these damn allergies! I hate it! I Hope Florida offers a cleaner place; better weather, so I don't have to suffer as much!

We've been washing clothes ALLL day; where is that Maid i always said i'd have when i moved out? haha - ritee!
And the clothes that are clean that we want to take to florida; we have simply been packing slowly but surely! The beef and I are looking at urbanspoon at the 3 places were going to in Florida; to try to find some good places to eat. Good happy hour..etc. Gosh the pictures are soo beautiful they almost look fake to me!
I pray the oil hasnt made it there quite yet; so i can share and experience some of that beauty first hand!
I pray i don't freak out on the plane!
I'm not looking forward to our 4 hr layover in dulles..ughh! But I DID find out we can pack food as long as we eat it on the plane and don't take it back off with us into the airport..so i will be making sandwhiches and boiled eggs [ =

Gosh; I can't believe its less than 48 hrs away!! soo surreal!!
♥

& sometimes I wonder; just who you'd be today.

Today i got the last minute items i wanted for the trip; a bikini cover; shorts; and an extra memory card for my lil and big digi cameras!

We are taking my lover ♥ zeus to a cat hotel...they seriously asked if he preferred a top or bottom condo...haha i was like uhhhh lettme ask! [ = It will only be 80$ and at least Js' family doesn't have to feel obligated to come be with him & clean his box while were on vacay!

I've been holding back setting resrvations for jespers bday surprises that i've wanted to do for him; I was seeing where the oil spill was headed and what not! But i will have to hurry and book things monday while he is at work! I am soo excited to swim with dolphins!!

I am scared to get on this plane & hope to sleep thru it! ahh my gma brought my xanax that i took to go to europe down here when they visited! It was nice to get to see my family! I love them soo much & they gave me and jesper a bon voyage card with 200$ in it! YAY!

tomorrow like most sundays are our spa date days...we go get a mani pedi & then go to a movie then come home. Tho I think I will forget about the movie; since I have about 4 hrs of laundry to do for the trip!
I have to be up at FOUR AM tuesday morning; to drive to LAX; as the plane leaves at 7:50 and we have to be there an hr or soo before!!

I am baking J an earlie bday cake ! I loveeee baking && I hope he enjoys it!
[ =

Hello; there blogland

Hi bloggers!

I did not mean to neglect this blog so much!
Lets see; our anniversary was amazing; besides me catching J chatting up another girl && me being furios and not talking to him for the 2 hr car ride home! pshh!

I turned 26 3 weeks ago; I spent the weekend with pretty much my entire family in san diego; and spent the day after at my cousins wedding ![she finally married the guy after 10 years;i worry that will be me!]

I officially arrive in Miami, Flordia in SIX days! I'm clearly anxious and scared shitless of the flights i have to take -- i can't sleep in past 4 am! I just get anxiety & panic! I guess that means it is time to invest in sleeping pills! Jesper turns the dirty 30 in the Florida Keyes; what a nice bday!

I tried to reach out to his mom; and sent her our flight itinerary; our hotel itinerary; along with addys and #s to every hotel we will be in! & stated hopefully this will open the lines of OUR communication -- wrong so very; very wrong! She now calls to 1. Ask if it sunny here [she lives in montana] 2. To lecture jesper about this oil spill & let him know how mad europe will be if it reaches there...and 3. to ask if he knows where her pencil sharpener which once belonged to her father is? seeing as he hasn't seen her house in a year and again she LIVES IN MONTANA..how would HE help? ..its like she realizes he's in good hands; i'm not a whore-ish; girl giving my # out to everyone; or staying out with out him till 2 or 3 am like his ex wifey; and she is starting to feel replaced; its okay Ms. Lee...keep doing this -you're making your son see what i've tried to get him to see for years! I FEAR 20 texts being sent to him while were flying && him just talking to her when its OUR first big vacay! oh god i pray this vacay isn't ruined or horrible! I will walk out if something happens; i'll be done..3 years is enough time to put up with the bull that i have; i think!

This afternoon my friend; who is a hairdresser is coming to touch up my hair; and put pink highlites in it. I think it will be fun for florida

I don't have blonde hair; mine is dark; but I think it will be cute! She is bringing things to make mimosas! I am sooooooooo excited for girl time; since the last THREE days; two nites...i've catered, cooked, and make lunch for the beef + his friend! He is a nice guy; but i am happy to get my house back!My grandmother always told me if you drank while the sun was still up= you're an alcoholic - is this true to have mimosas @ noon? haha good old gma!

Speaking of..thursday My lovely mom; gma; and gpa are coming to santa barbara. My g'ma is a colon cancer survivor..she will tell u how the doc out here saved her life so she could see my mom get married. So she is coming for a check up with him & to see me before i leave town! I definately appreciate the Fam soooo much more; the older I get! [this could be another reason I can not sleep; i've been praying like crazy nothing has returned & my grandmother can live her retirement out happpy !]..my mom also takes a driving test tomorrow ; she has not been allowed to drive since her brain hemorrage..I hope she passes!It will be such a jolt to her self esteem.She needs that!

I also...about 5 weeks ago got a tattoo on my wrist..it turned out amazing...blk white & grey Armenian cross..the same armenian cross that my grandmother wears around her neck every single day! [ =

I stole this from TADA..
i haven't done one is SOOO long..
I will close with this;
enjoy

1. Never in my life have I been: in a helicopter

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: my bf

3. High school was: Great! I'd do it again - minus the horrid bf i had!

4. When I’m nervous I: talk a ton

5. The last song I listened to was: Carrie Underwood-Cowboy Casanova

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: My favorite cousin Liz ♥

7. My hair is: wet

8. When I was 5: My baby sister died of leukemia; my dad cheated on my mom ;my rents got a divorce and i moved in with my gparents! horrible..horrible year!

9. Last Christmas: was literally hell for me; never spending it with the b/f AND his mother again..never...never..never!

10. I should be.. Sleeping!

11. When I look down I see: my iphone

12. The happiest recent event was: the weekend in San Diego

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Rachel..I love her

14. By this time next year: I hope to be set in my career; god i hope an engagement if i'm with J!

15. My current gripe is: not sleeping thru the nite

16. I have a hard time understanding: why people lie ; when it causes more problems than whatever it was you've lied about

17. There’s this girl I know that: i'm jealous of being soo strong!

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: my family

19. Take my advice: think 3 or 4 times before moving away from your support system and friends

20. The thing I want to buy: a MAC book air!!!

21. If you visited the place I was born: you'd be in good ol Fresno

22. I plan to visit: Miami, islamorada,and key west in SIX days!!

23. If you spent the night at my house: I'd cook for you & you'd see what a reality tv freak I am
24. I’d stop my wedding if: I was cheated on

25. The world could do without: child rapists/murders...assholes

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: this would never happen
27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: I splurged on Juicy Couture heart/peace sign earrings
28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: carrie underwood tickets!!

29. My middle name is: Kay [after my lovely Gma!]

30. In the morning I: like to be asleep! ha

31. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: horses [ =

32. Once, at a bar: I got up ON the bar and danced with 3 other girls; my mom & bf took pictures & they'll never let me live it down haha

33. Last night I was: having a beer with the boys; watching tv & suffering...damn allergies!!

34. A better name for me would be: always LOVED the name Hayley!

35. Tomorrow I : will have dinner with my family♥

36. Tonight I am: probably watching a movie & cooking with the beef! & hopefully the pink hair will turn out well! [ = gosh; crossing my fingers!

.37 My birthday is: April 30th!

THREE years.

Three years ago.
to this exact date. Jesper and I first got together!
I can't believe it has been this long!!
And we started out 'just to see' where this went. He wanted to move to santa barbara & I was still making a life for myself two hours north where we met. Now i'm actually living outside of santa barbara with him!
Never.ever.thought this would happen

So today we're driving down south to Malibu, to a nice little get away..
called paradise cove Whatever beautiful picture comes to your head when you think of that place -- is as true as you can imagine!!

I bought Jes a brand new weber BBQ along with the accessories [cooking utensils & such] with it . ANd he surprised me with a hand made, wood jewelry box! I was amazed HE made it. It took two months!!

He talked to his mother on tuesday nite
which in return
he got off the phone in a baaaaaddddd mood!
& i got the brunt of it
so i didn't eat the dinner i made that nite & went to bed sobbing, being called a 'bitch' isn't really something that makes me feel good!

Hopefully this next year will be brighter ♥

..A little bit REALLY does go a long way [ =

I realized yesterday after buying some pretty dyed flowers to set on our kitchen table & after baking a batch of cookies for my man, and after we took an hour to make dinner together -- that I LOVEEEEE every single little thing about my day! it really doesn't take much to make me smile! -- even just a simple convo or a sweet text will make my day!


Today we went a hugeee grocery run! I tried to use what coupons I could find, since we both are saving for our trip to Florida in May. But it still was like $150! Seems like a lot to me! But I try!


On april 1st we are going to an art show opening! I'm soo excited to get dressed up and see Jes in a suit coat! ooo [ =

The b/f is on the phone with his mom, and i'm pretty much not allowed to talk; thus these random ramblings on this blog right now! I'm not just one of those annoying girls who says his mom doesn't like me, with tons of reasons as to why she shouldn't, she REALLY doesn't like me. And has NO reason not to. My fam treats him VERY well [his mom moved to montana to 'find herself'], but when she hears hes spending a weekend with my fam she says stuff like 'i'm glad you like to spend soo much time with cyndis' family'..then he feels horrible and gets put in a bad mood. This woman has gone as far as to tell him in front of me when we mentioned wanting to buy a camper together -- we enjoy camping as much as we can-- & right away she said ' you need to get this with your brother, its not a good idea to go in this together, you need to keep it in the family jesper...[then touched my arm & said]...you understand...' i was soooo sooo shocked! She will even tell me my shirts are tooo low cut - what was soo low cut you ask? a BIKINI!!!!! Just insane where this woman takes things; i've always taken the high road, my mom has always said don't let the actions of someone falter who you really are. So when shes in town i am soo soo nice to her. She cried in my car telling Jesper hes changed since he met me, that she NEEDS to talk to him more than 2x's a week, she doesn't feel like they have a relationship anymore. Yet; i am always the one telling him he should call her so her feelings aren't hurt, or buying a gift for him to send to her for her bday & xmas and mothers day[this year i didn't remind him on her bday, and he just sent her an e-card the day of] -- all he ever says is 'i'm not in the mood..' when I remind him, his mom will guilt him and make him feel like crud if he isn't IN contact with her the way she feels is good enough or whatever.

Because of this, i have vowed if i get blessed to have a kid or two. i will NEVER make their significant others feel uncomfortable in MY presence...EVER!

wheww feels good to get that off my mind for a bit.
haha my cat truely is a great form of free entertainment -- on days off, i throw paper balls for him to catch, he sounds like thunder running up and down the stairs! I love it - how did i live without an animal in my house before? hmm [ =


xoxo
Cyndi

.I am definately not 21 anymore!.

Hello!

I haven't updated in soo long, because last week felt like there weren't enough days to catch up with everything!!
St Pattys' Day was sooo much fun! I started a green beer trend at this bar. This guy randomly hit on me while my man was checking out sweatshirts at this bar. K; picture a night at the roxbury type of swagger, with the hand motions with some guy smelling like reefer saying "sooooo uhhh; do you maybe come here often?" i cracked up and looked beyond him to jesper as he was like woah whats going on. So i told him i was there with my bf. In that case he asked the bartender to show him what tattoos she was hiding under her shirt......RIGHT!


The bar we were at has the best atmosphere ever! U can see the ocean from outside, and literally a man in his 40s walked up once to order a beer with his 4 year old daughter, then again with his 6 week old son!! There was a guy at the bar with his dog sitting at a barstool next to him! really great bar!!

The weekend i got to see , literally, one of my favorite people ever! My cousin Liz! Gosh; she is amazing; and super sweet, super down to earth! She wanted me to take her bar hopping where i grew up [in Fresno] ..she gave her facebook and # out to a few people, while my boyfriend was our DD for the nite! gosh; we stayed out till 3:30 ish; i had to take her to her gpas house where she was staying, and I had to drive back to my moms house; where my family gently let me and the beef know they stay awake or on the couch till we got home![i guess parents will ALWAYS be parents!] Then i fell asleep around 4 am & had to get up at 9 AM for a bridal shower the next day! ahhhhhh I can't believe i used to party till 5am; work from 8 - 3; then go out again that night! I'm sooo not 21 anymore! haha

I am soo glad I got to spend time with my mom and my gparents, since my mom had her brain hemmorrage; it has meant alot to me to see how she is improving and to make her smile when I can; though she cried when I packed my car to leave -- which made me sob for part of the drive home!


I said a very long goodbye to the dog i've had since i was 12-Mandy- I picked her up and she felt very fragile, the doctors say she has an in operable tumor on her brain, and she is going blind in one eye! soooo sad to see! she was there to settle me down as i needed to walk her around fresno while fighting with a friend, or finding out the guy i dated in HS had cheated for the millionth time! It will be hard to know when she does go!

My right wrist is sprained really bad; and at least 3xs its size! I went to the doctor and got a wrap for it! He said to take it easy, but in reality, the day i got home from the doctor, the boy asked me to make 4 cheese sandwhiches for him for his snowboarding outside of fresno on saturday while i was at the shower - so i did ; he asked me to do the dishes - so i did ; he asked me to make sure my car was ready to pack for fresno-so i did; the rents needed help in fresno - so i helped them whenever i could! My wrist just throbs! It doesn't feel good pretty much daily!

Thats about all!
I think i'm going to go see what this Armoured movie is all about

xoxo
Cyndi

. If i were a boy. . . . .

last night felt like an absolute living hell.in every single sense of the word. I won't go into details -- but i can't help it if i am not okay when a man of mine checks out another woman while i'm in the middle of a conversation with him! Nor am i not okay when that said man wants to get his teeth cleaned/whitened what not by a 'family friend' whome he stated he was attacted to at a few points in our relationship -- and frankly if she took back a guy who cheated on her more than once -- i feel that the thought will have crossed her mind do to it to him! we're only human! I can't help that i find that dis respectful at all!

Anyways; i said/did things i'm not proud of - again - i won't go into detail. It just sux that the b/f and i are once again at the bottom of this HUGE hill we have to climb....again .

It was soooooo hott today. We wanted to go tan on the beach , haha well I wanted to tan..but when we were out just driving somewhere i was sweating my bootie off...soo i settle for a movie [Management with jennifer anniston] & a bloody beer under a fan with the beef!!

I also; thanfully talked to my favorite cousin tonite! you know how when u see someone calling, u just smile? shes amazing && knows how to make you feel up when you're totally down about everything! I can't wait to see her friday for drinks & sat at the bridal shower, then dinner saturday nite!!! [ =

I have to get going. I need to make dinner, as the bf is lost in a game of call of duty online with some 13 y/o kids & the cat still has yet to be fed even though he has climbed up to jespers neck to get the attention hes been wanting! if the cat has to work that hard, just think of the hoops i jump thru?!

I can't wait to see American Idol tonight; and millionare matchmaker, get lost in some reality tv drama, that is not my life!

xoxo nite

i LIVE for weekends!!

I was soo excited how sunny it ended up being all weekend! Usually - its sunny m-f during the work week but when i want to go out and enjoy the weather on the weekends it has been storming! It felt like such a rare treat this weekend!!!


Saturday I went on this 8.5 mile bike ride! Easy ride to the restaurant on the beach -- but man on the way home, there are three humungo hills that you have to ride up! we were totally lazy and dropped onto the couch and didn't move for like two hours when we got home! haha needless to say it was a very lazy nite!

We rented movies & we wanted to see "everybodys' fine" OMG i cried the ENTIRE TWO HOURS!!!!! i have no idea why! poor jesper was laughing this uncomfortable laugh while holding me telling me its okay![no its not my time of the month!!]

oh! while we were having lunch this cute little cotton tail decided to pay us a visit! while i stole a few photos!! [ =



Sunday the beef woke up with the sun to go surf - i opted to sleep in & he jumped back in bed with me at like 9 when he got home then i woke up to see it was 2PM!! [which was really 3 pm because of the time change!!] I was shocked we had slept that long! so we went to grub at this well known place on the main street called "the spot" where we saw ALAN THICKE you know the guy from growing pains and other shows! he was there with his fam..jes had done some work on his house - so the guy waved hi from afar while other people that were there noticed kept staring at us lol! I've said since i moved to this area almost two years ago that i wanted to have a celebrity sighting and i finally did! Too bad it wasn't OPRAH or a Kardashian -- someone i'd want an autograph from! oh well! haha

I didn't want monday morning to come! I've had a horrible headache all day & i knew the beef would be working late to help a family friend install the kitchen they built for them into their first home! So I have been cleaning the house from the lazyness of the weekend & will start something for dinner for him when he gets home -- i'm also kind of thinking st pattys day cookies? hmmm [ =

thats all for now!
happy monday

The cats' meow [ =

[pic of zeus fave past time = bath time--yah right!]

sitting here; enjoying my morning alone with our cat; I realized, how fast life is going to take off in the next couple of weeks! i'm nervous; but yet soo excited to try soo many different things! Before the beef left to go help his gparents out with his dad and his bro; we played in our room throwing paper 'balls' downstairs for the cat. Zeus would happily run them as fast as he could right back to us....a cat that plays fetch? seriously.

.next weekend i'll be in fresno; back to where i grew up; with my family and my favorite cousin liz..for another cousins bridal shower.
.then Easter Weekend we will be in morro bay; at my grandparents beach town.
.then the week later, my fam is visiting us here for a few days in the middle of the week.
.then the weekend of april 30th; it is not only my bday - but the weekend my cousin is getting married -- so we will be in san diego.
.then 3 weeks after that Jes & i board a plane [i'm scared shitless to fly btw] to miami florida. He turns 30 in may; and we are spending it going to miami & the florida keys! I'm excited; yet extremely nervous! I can't wait to just be OFF the plane and be there! haha

Has anyone ever been extremely proud after a meal they've cooked!?! I NEVER thought i would be the one to be in the kitchen to cook elaborate meals at least 4 x's a week; or making salsa from scratch just to see a smile on my mans face! But since Jes n i have been together -- that was one thing we ALWAYS have done together & have kind of bonded and grown with = cooking. Last night [after spending over $150 in groceries] we came home & made caprece salad , with farfelli noodles, with a white and red sauce [mix em together] & added garlic to the pasta sauce! Along with some buttered bread - mmMMmmMmmMMmm mMMM Mm!

[here is a pic of the caprece salad]

...also shown is a pic of my favorite plates we bought together.
I feel i need to give some back story before I say what I wanted to say next.
My man was married before we met; he asked her just because they were together since hs it was the thing to do he said; and a year into it she cheated on him! Since, i've moved to 'his' town, we've been 'nesting' as Jes would say; and since then, he has thrown out allllllllll of the plates, silverware, etc. that he had with his ex wifey! It was great to see him let go of it all & for us to go shopping together - settling on the plates above with black bowls for soup & what not, and new glasses for vino and for water, tea , sodas, new silver ware AND new cookware! -- maybe all this is why i love being in the kitchen now!! [ =

Hopefully he will get home in time to have an 8 mile bike ride to our fave place to have lunch directly on the beach! if not; i guess its a movie & pizza nite.

Welcome!

Hi;
My name is Cyndi
I'm 25.
i just moved to a beautiful beach town [carpinteria] so my boyfriend of almost 3 years [can i get a yeeeah!] could be closer to the busines he owns with his dad.
I'm a medical student
i love medical billing; and am finishing medical assisting classes
I would LOVE to work in a plastic surgeons office! Plastic surgery amazes me; and i am soo intrigued by the things that talented doctors could do , not only to transform, but help say a burn victim or something! amazing what technology has done!
We live with our 'cat child' ZEUS; i love him to death!


Well; this isn't really my first blog post; but all of a sudden my other one didn't show the 'layout' button so i could make it look better than it did at first. Its okay to bitch some right ? [ =


[a pic of where i live]