The Love of my life ♥

. I hated leaving him today.
[does this make me sound like a crazy cat lady?!]



At least he has over 40 other cats to play with the next 9 days
...tho i've never had him around another cat. I do hope things go well



It broke my heart to see him looking at us like we were abandoning him as we left..
we DID rescue this amazing guy I hope he wasn't worried we were never coming back!



handsome; handsome guy ♥

get OVER it hunnie; lifes' a two way street -- if u wanna continue being a man of mine...

Good Morning

I can't stand grumpy people! I don't get how J has turned into such a self absorbed person.He woke me up 3x's from a dead sleep; to ask 1. where the cat was..2. that the fan was blowing the wrong way...3. some mumbling about dolphins. The last time he woke me up was 5am...So i got up at 5:30 after he said 'wtf is going on..u going back to sleep or what?!..' and asked him at 6:50 if he wanted me to bring coffee back for him; in which i get a lecture of how rude I AM & how I don't let him sleep...
so i said you're gunna regret this & left!
I have been turning the tables -- when i ask him questions about flying last nite..all i got was a 'YES Cyndiiiiiiii...' the way a child would after you've scolded them! So if i'm not going to get any respect from HIm. I decided to turn the tables and do it to him...when he asked if i was coming to bed soon i said "I GUESS JESPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"... & so on. See how he likes to be talked down to like a child! ughh i've been praying lately as to whether i should stay in this - i feel like clearly - i'm getting my answers...only my eyes are wide open;more so than ever before!
I've exhausted my heart♥, time, energy..not to mention my 15,000$ bank acct! to keep the repo man away from HIS car! I'm emotionally exhausted & want off this rollar coaster! A friend made it clear to me....looked me in the eyes and said "what? do u enjoy being hurt?'... NO I don't ! frankly; i've had enough..how dumb am i to be emotionally pounded on [as well as ..]

I am scared to show anxiety about flying ; but am told how hammered he wants to get in the airport - & i know when that happens how flirty he gets; I'm nervous to be on an airplane with a man; I can't say I trust anymore! I keep just trying to drink water & count to 4 or 7...like my lovely g'ma told me

We take the cat to his boarding place tonite!I am going to miss my nite cuddles with that lil guy - does this make me a crazy cat lady!? haha Then at 4 AM i will drive to LAX; leave my car & board the plane at 7:30AM!! ahhhhh!

Cross your fingers for me & if you pray...send a little one up for me!
For I am soo nervous!

allergies = worst thing everrrrr!!!

Today was nice! We had a spa date day! i got my nails and feet done; and soo did the beef; man these woman LOVED him! He had two girls working on him at once haha - i simply said...don't get used to it = ]!

I've been feeling like shit with these damn allergies! I hate it! I Hope Florida offers a cleaner place; better weather, so I don't have to suffer as much!

We've been washing clothes ALLL day; where is that Maid i always said i'd have when i moved out? haha - ritee!
And the clothes that are clean that we want to take to florida; we have simply been packing slowly but surely! The beef and I are looking at urbanspoon at the 3 places were going to in Florida; to try to find some good places to eat. Good happy hour..etc. Gosh the pictures are soo beautiful they almost look fake to me!
I pray the oil hasnt made it there quite yet; so i can share and experience some of that beauty first hand!
I pray i don't freak out on the plane!
I'm not looking forward to our 4 hr layover in dulles..ughh! But I DID find out we can pack food as long as we eat it on the plane and don't take it back off with us into the airport..so i will be making sandwhiches and boiled eggs [ =

Gosh; I can't believe its less than 48 hrs away!! soo surreal!!
♥

& sometimes I wonder; just who you'd be today.

Today i got the last minute items i wanted for the trip; a bikini cover; shorts; and an extra memory card for my lil and big digi cameras!

We are taking my lover ♥ zeus to a cat hotel...they seriously asked if he preferred a top or bottom condo...haha i was like uhhhh lettme ask! [ = It will only be 80$ and at least Js' family doesn't have to feel obligated to come be with him & clean his box while were on vacay!

I've been holding back setting resrvations for jespers bday surprises that i've wanted to do for him; I was seeing where the oil spill was headed and what not! But i will have to hurry and book things monday while he is at work! I am soo excited to swim with dolphins!!

I am scared to get on this plane & hope to sleep thru it! ahh my gma brought my xanax that i took to go to europe down here when they visited! It was nice to get to see my family! I love them soo much & they gave me and jesper a bon voyage card with 200$ in it! YAY!

tomorrow like most sundays are our spa date days...we go get a mani pedi & then go to a movie then come home. Tho I think I will forget about the movie; since I have about 4 hrs of laundry to do for the trip!
I have to be up at FOUR AM tuesday morning; to drive to LAX; as the plane leaves at 7:50 and we have to be there an hr or soo before!!

I am baking J an earlie bday cake ! I loveeee baking && I hope he enjoys it!
[ =

Hello; there blogland

Hi bloggers!

I did not mean to neglect this blog so much!
Lets see; our anniversary was amazing; besides me catching J chatting up another girl && me being furios and not talking to him for the 2 hr car ride home! pshh!

I turned 26 3 weeks ago; I spent the weekend with pretty much my entire family in san diego; and spent the day after at my cousins wedding ![she finally married the guy after 10 years;i worry that will be me!]

I officially arrive in Miami, Flordia in SIX days! I'm clearly anxious and scared shitless of the flights i have to take -- i can't sleep in past 4 am! I just get anxiety & panic! I guess that means it is time to invest in sleeping pills! Jesper turns the dirty 30 in the Florida Keyes; what a nice bday!

I tried to reach out to his mom; and sent her our flight itinerary; our hotel itinerary; along with addys and #s to every hotel we will be in! & stated hopefully this will open the lines of OUR communication -- wrong so very; very wrong! She now calls to 1. Ask if it sunny here [she lives in montana] 2. To lecture jesper about this oil spill & let him know how mad europe will be if it reaches there...and 3. to ask if he knows where her pencil sharpener which once belonged to her father is? seeing as he hasn't seen her house in a year and again she LIVES IN MONTANA..how would HE help? ..its like she realizes he's in good hands; i'm not a whore-ish; girl giving my # out to everyone; or staying out with out him till 2 or 3 am like his ex wifey; and she is starting to feel replaced; its okay Ms. Lee...keep doing this -you're making your son see what i've tried to get him to see for years! I FEAR 20 texts being sent to him while were flying && him just talking to her when its OUR first big vacay! oh god i pray this vacay isn't ruined or horrible! I will walk out if something happens; i'll be done..3 years is enough time to put up with the bull that i have; i think!

This afternoon my friend; who is a hairdresser is coming to touch up my hair; and put pink highlites in it. I think it will be fun for florida

I don't have blonde hair; mine is dark; but I think it will be cute! She is bringing things to make mimosas! I am sooooooooo excited for girl time; since the last THREE days; two nites...i've catered, cooked, and make lunch for the beef + his friend! He is a nice guy; but i am happy to get my house back!My grandmother always told me if you drank while the sun was still up= you're an alcoholic - is this true to have mimosas @ noon? haha good old gma!

Speaking of..thursday My lovely mom; gma; and gpa are coming to santa barbara. My g'ma is a colon cancer survivor..she will tell u how the doc out here saved her life so she could see my mom get married. So she is coming for a check up with him & to see me before i leave town! I definately appreciate the Fam soooo much more; the older I get! [this could be another reason I can not sleep; i've been praying like crazy nothing has returned & my grandmother can live her retirement out happpy !]..my mom also takes a driving test tomorrow ; she has not been allowed to drive since her brain hemorrage..I hope she passes!It will be such a jolt to her self esteem.She needs that!

I also...about 5 weeks ago got a tattoo on my wrist..it turned out amazing...blk white & grey Armenian cross..the same armenian cross that my grandmother wears around her neck every single day! [ =

I stole this from TADA..
i haven't done one is SOOO long..
I will close with this;
enjoy

1. Never in my life have I been: in a helicopter

2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: my bf

3. High school was: Great! I'd do it again - minus the horrid bf i had!

4. When I’m nervous I: talk a ton

5. The last song I listened to was: Carrie Underwood-Cowboy Casanova

6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: My favorite cousin Liz ♥

7. My hair is: wet

8. When I was 5: My baby sister died of leukemia; my dad cheated on my mom ;my rents got a divorce and i moved in with my gparents! horrible..horrible year!

9. Last Christmas: was literally hell for me; never spending it with the b/f AND his mother again..never...never..never!

10. I should be.. Sleeping!

11. When I look down I see: my iphone

12. The happiest recent event was: the weekend in San Diego

13. If I were a character on 'Friend' I would be: Rachel..I love her

14. By this time next year: I hope to be set in my career; god i hope an engagement if i'm with J!

15. My current gripe is: not sleeping thru the nite

16. I have a hard time understanding: why people lie ; when it causes more problems than whatever it was you've lied about

17. There’s this girl I know that: i'm jealous of being soo strong!

18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: my family

19. Take my advice: think 3 or 4 times before moving away from your support system and friends

20. The thing I want to buy: a MAC book air!!!

21. If you visited the place I was born: you'd be in good ol Fresno

22. I plan to visit: Miami, islamorada,and key west in SIX days!!

23. If you spent the night at my house: I'd cook for you & you'd see what a reality tv freak I am
24. I’d stop my wedding if: I was cheated on

25. The world could do without: child rapists/murders...assholes

26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: this would never happen
27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: I splurged on Juicy Couture heart/peace sign earrings
28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: carrie underwood tickets!!

29. My middle name is: Kay [after my lovely Gma!]

30. In the morning I: like to be asleep! ha

31. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: horses [ =

32. Once, at a bar: I got up ON the bar and danced with 3 other girls; my mom & bf took pictures & they'll never let me live it down haha

33. Last night I was: having a beer with the boys; watching tv & suffering...damn allergies!!

34. A better name for me would be: always LOVED the name Hayley!

35. Tomorrow I : will have dinner with my family♥

36. Tonight I am: probably watching a movie & cooking with the beef! & hopefully the pink hair will turn out well! [ = gosh; crossing my fingers!

.37 My birthday is: April 30th!